10 things

My friend Sindhu, has blogged about 10 things she would like to avoid doing in 2012. She got me thinking about what I would like to avoid but found it quite difficult to separate writing what I would like to avoid and what I would like to do. Nevertheless here goes a try:

1). Surprisingly is the same as hers (and I never thought it would be hers) – procrastination is the biggest evil in my life “still”.

2). Suspending this blog AGAIN

3). Exercising – still procrastinating over this one.

4). Cancelling plans to do personal projects

5). Keeping my bicycle in status quo – with a flat tyre

6). Keeping the apartment dirty

7). Same as Sindhu

8). Eating unhealthy sweet things

9). Not creating a proper plan for what I want to achieve at work or in life in the year

10). Eating out instead of cooking even when there is time

Wow! That was not easy … Try doing it – so much easier to write about what to do. The biggest avoid I should avoid – avoid following the above.

Happy New Year

In 2009 I started a new habit. As 2009 rolled over to 2010 I created a picture collage of several pictures that I had taken over the year. This being the third year, it seems to have become a tradition. The part I love about the tradition is the one where I go through all the pictures I have taken over the year to chose the ones I feel best represent the year for us.

As I do this, I travel through all those times in the year which were very interesting. It makes me realize that there was a reason why the year flew quickly. It also makes me wonder – how did the year fly past so quickly. Yet, sometimes there is the feeling of “did that really happen this year?”

Here I list some of that really stood out in my mind – perhaps there are many others that should come up but it evades me at the moment:

  • Discoveries of the year: Theater im Pfalzbau, Shruti – a magazine on classical music and dance from South India, Art India – a magazine on art scene in India (mainly Mumbai and Delhi), Schauberg Cinema in Karlsruhe, IWC/BWC founded by a group of friends (what it means stays a mystery), Icebar in Oslo
  • Sports: Discovery of Ice Hockey
  • Travel: Norway, Bonn, Lausanne, Leipzig, Brussels (many times), Heidelberg with the many visitors, Heilbronn, Turkish corner in Mannheim (that transported me right into the midst of Kerala jewelry stores and middle east restaurants), US Washington and Luray caves, Como & Lezzano in Italy, Bobenheim am berg, Michelstadt…
  • Events: Tsunami, Book Reading by my uncle at Bonn, Leipzig book fair, Anna Hazare hype in India, breakdown of Indian political system, Greek/Italian/Spanish meltdowns, Obama mania fading away to be replaced by… (uh! no one yet), Lunar eclipse, Discovery of the old photos in the albums my parents rescued from our apartment in India, Flugtag at Walldorf

Over the year, I started writing about some of these events but never got around to actually writing them. There are still many more events and many more aspects of the local culture to explore. In the meantime, I would like to wish everyone a wonderful 2012. While 2011 has been a dry year for the blog, I look forward to writing more in 2012.

Removing the block

Almost everyone I have linked to, on my blog, seemed to have stopped writing – there are about 4 people who post once in a while and 2 who posts regularly. Who am I to complain? My last posts could hardly be called posts.

In the meantime it is not as if there is a big vacuum of topics – I have been collecting materials left right and center. I went for Flamenco dance again by Maria Pages, two puppet shows – one Augsburger Kasperle played by a couple and another more sophisticated Indonesian shadow puppet show, Wayang, on Ghatotkacha.  My hands itched to write about it – I researched about it and when I thought about writing, my whole mind went completely blank.

In the meantime, I tried my hand at cooking, listened to old cassettes found back when two households became one, started subscription to the Financial Times again – waiting patiently to hold the crisp newspaper in the hand again. The weekend section of the financial times still held the same charm – the latest one talked about Iran and the mysterious deaths of its nuclear scientists reminding me of an unfinished book in my cupboard on the history of Iran.

This weekend, due to the tail end of fever, I skipped four possible events – one a concert of Viola Gamba & Cembalo which I really wanted to go to, the carnival at Oberkirch in Blackforest, the circus which has come to our little towns and the slide show on Hurtigruten, the cruise on fjords of Norway – the second time I am missing it.

On the whole if I thought I will miss cultural aspects by leaving Brussels, that is not entirely true.

New life

Joined new job in old company – I feel something like a new wine in old bottle rather than like old wine in a new bottle. Perhaps that is how I felt in my last job. In anycase, working life has made me perk up a bit after returning and seems to see me more systematic. Let us see how long this continues. The changing colours are finally getting stronger and stronger – just think Autumn is getting to be more beautiful than spring… but then comes winter and the snow and I change my mind about the most beautiful season all over again.

Places I have lived in

I have lived in several places. Each place, in its own way, has been God’s own country.

I was born in Kerala, the original God’s own country, and soon after was taken to North India to live there for 2.5 years. There is no “more” beautiful place like Kerala or so I thought…

I moved several times in different parts of south India. Finally I spent many years in Chennai where we get something for Rs. 2 even today. I loved the city for the arts and entertainment opportunities there.

I got married and just before getting married, found myself a job in Bangalore.

We then got transferred to Walldorf in Germany – the story of many couples who worked in SAP LABS India.

I then moved to Switzerland to study to Lausanne – the first time I lived close to vineyards though not the first time I lived in the mountains and close to a lake.

… and then came my stint in Brussels – a city teaming with life. Like with Chennai, I fell in love with this pulsating city which though not as big or beautiful like some other Europeans cities exuded the charm of diversity.

and now I am back… in a place called Wiesloch close to Walldorf. This place also has its own charm with its proximity to vineyards, its summer fests, and our old renovated home which has been converted to modern apartment. The house opposite is also undergoing transformation right now. Two days back, before leaving for Lausanne for a weekend visit and school alumni event, I captured some people hard at work late into the evening. The texture of the wall looked like some modernistic oil paint hung for exhibition.

Loss

Chittammoomma, my grandmother’s younger sister, passed away today. It is strange – my mother casually mentioned it and a wave of sadness passed through me. She was the last of the siblings in the family.

It is amazing how memories flash past your eye when you hear about a death. Her son’s marriage, her daughter’s marriage – all our visits for several dinners whenever we went to the city for our vacation or when we were living there, the way to her house…. so many many memories. Her teasing my grandmother, her support for my father, her long conversations with my grandmother. The way they used to get their dogs out of the way before opening the gate for us to enter, the verandah as soon as you enter… the small service window…

I missed those times and suddenly I miss my grandmother too.  It is a sad day for my father too I guess. It is one of the side of the family that has grown apart. I think I will miss going to their place when I am in Trivandrum next.

Unemployed – Chronicles no. 1

What is wrong with surveys on human behaviour and leadership surveys?

Here I am sitting and doing a 360 degrees feedback for my ex-colleague and for my ex-boss. Suddenly I realized – I need to disassociate my own behaviour when I rate their behaviour. The yardstick that I give to all the leadership behaviour were based on my strengths and my weaknesses – lower scores on my strengths and higher scores on my weakness. When answering survey, does one leave space for improvement or does give an absolute score? – Ideas to be explored.

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Chronicles is a series of how I am coping with the first break from career I am having.

Last few months have seen me moving out of a company I love, a place I love, leave behind dear friends – some who I know will keep in touch… some who I know will phase out their interactions with me – it is natural.  I moved from such a place back to a well known place. Initial few days I did not feel the difference.  The apartment was a known one, the people were known people, I felt I was just there on a holiday. We then moved to a new place. Suddenly everything was different. My furniture from Brussels was there and so was the furniture from the other apartment in Germany. A new blended life was beginning to take shape and boy! don’t we both have expectations for this shape we want our life to take?

- sleep early – but I want to sleep late – but I need to be up early and I still need my 8 hours sleep – ok… but I do not need that much sleep so you go ahead…

- clothes here? no… there… no here… no there….

- this cupboard should be used for this … no! How can you think that? It is perfect for this…

- what about a diagonal shaped bookshelf? – “What do you think? we are going to have neck yoga daily is it?”…

- cooking, cleaning this apartment, that apartment all day – No WAY! You better come and do this and that…

Between finding 10 pairs of scissors, 5 nail cutters, 6 sets of cutleries, it also meant connecting back to people I knew just slightly. Everyone accepted I was back without a job – “you are going to have a baby now I assume – it is not always good to just think of your career” – how many men get to hear this – I wondered. One friend has promised to come with me to the fertility clinic – “I am not scared of laproscopy” – she said when I said I was scared of surgeries. “So I will sit with you – don’t worry”. So all, if I report a baby news later in the year – it will be due to no effort of mine. All forces here seem to be combining to make me have a baby. On the other hand if I do not report a baby news – it will be all my effort ;) .

They started inviting me to their home – when I started lunch invitations the third time they got upset – “Don’t say you do not have time – what do you do all day!” – they asked. My explanations of having to start to find a new job got me strange looks and “Don’t make excuses – you need to take a break” – I do?

well… ok… I could not use the same reason (uh… excuse) as yesterday “I am on fast – so I cannot have lunch”…  the truth was not accepted – I feel fat and too full so I wanted to skip lunch today…

Brussels – 47 days more to go

It has been quite a long time since I blogged.  Today it is in between the day. I needed a break before I needed to do something creative. So here I am trying unleash my creativity though the post is as uncreative as it can be.

Last few weeks have been busy with the dance practice, work and just time pass. So I just decided I can only feel guilty about not updating the blog. We had a successful show and the dance came out well considering we met only 2 times as the complete group and the dance choreography became clear only 3 practices before the actual performance and that the first dance rehearsal was a complete scare as everyone forgot all the steps.

So that was the dance. I should be going out and photographing Brussels. Yesterday when out with my friend Eric, I forgot to take my camera. So here I was with my really bad blackberry camera when I came across some colourful graffiti. Normally graffiti photos are best left to my husband – however, some of these really capture different Brussels life. One gives a view of the Brussels events, another one about the streets in Brussels and what happens when you board up one of the buildings.

I particularly liked the parking signs in front… what a haven for advertisers.  Here Eric noted that my husband and I were alike in taking pictures of graffiti.

and this is when my friend starting thinking I am crazy as can be seen from his incredulous expression (he already knew but I think he did not expect it to this extent… ) when I took this one which can hardly be classified as graffiti – Hey! This is my city – and the characteristics of my city!

here is a better scaffolding. The fonts and colours used are quite interesting and specially the walls a bit later.

sometimes even posters formed a wonderful collage not restricted to walls or scaffolding but also on postboxes.

A colourful shop front with a colourful traveler squatting in front of it – it was closed yesterday but I remember it had some very interesting Asian things to sell.

finally a sanitized events holder in the parking lot – one of my favourite parking lots in Central Brussels for its proximity to different parts (touristic, shopping, bars, restaurants… ) and the best part – I do not have to do a Cinderella turn and run back in the middle of the night to take the car out before it closes – it is a 24/24 parking lot with secure doors.

Issues in life… 72 days to go

There are many situations when you feel you just have many issues in life (all generated from within yourself). I had one such week and for the first time since I was 13 years old I lost my temper completely.

This does not include losing temper against husband. This does not include the time when, unable to reach my tall husband’s head, I got on top of the bed next to which we were fighting. He stood by and watched never having seen me in a temper before. He laughed and scoffed at the bowl of curd in my hand. My adrenalin surged and my head clouded over – he challenged me and came forward. Hand over my head and then over his head, I quickly with razor precision tipped the bowl over. That December night, 10 years back, he stood in the cold house in Bangalore, with curd dripping all over him, all over the wall/door and spilt over the bed. He blinked in disbelief, turned calmly around went and got the cloth and started cleaning while I stomped out of the house. Even that was 10 years ago.

This time it was not even my husband (if it was, then at least it would stay in the family and between close friends until 10 years later when one can laugh about it). So here I lost my temper and displayed childish behavior while everyone waited for the 3.5 decades of experience to show itself. Sometimes my righteousness gets better of me… Luckily it was not at work. Nevertheless there are many things I do not want to destroy the last few months I have at Brussels. So here I am catching a few of them – all caught on my blackberry when I did not have my camera and all show some aspects of the city I love.

As I enter the ICE train to Brussels, I catch this and send an sms to my husband – we should meet in Bruhl for this. He loves the picture and agrees – we never meet there – something else comes up that makes us cancel the trips.

One of my haunts – my office buildings after it gets dark – this day I felt the beauty of it. As many difficult days as I have had here, I still love the place. As my friend Eric says “Why do you cry? You end up loving every place you go to”… it leaves me wondering – am I not discerning enough?

As I drive to work one morning, I notice this small little white ball pulling his head sidewards to take a look at what is happening in front. I really did not get that lovely shot with the symmetry – however, I hoped this will help me keep the memory.

A weekend where I spent cleaning all the papers – the final result were all the magazines put away, the newspapers put into a cover the Rose, the cleaning lady from Ghana who comes once a week on Friday mornings, and articles about  best places to eat in Brussels cut out along with articles of events I attended or wanted to attend in Brussels over the year.

The fruit shop I pass every morning on my way to work which is not open that early, and every evening on my way back from work and it is too late to be open at that time… this evening I was excited to see the lights in the window but too lazy to find a parking space and park – well – after all it is not Pizza, pastries or cheese… they are ONLY fruits.

Here is the tram driver who jumped out of the tram at the traffic light, went and poked the tram tracks like one pokes a fireplace when the fire needs to be needled into strong flames.

This sign is very famous here in Brussels – it means “you Belgian drivers who are so unlike the German drivers and so like the Italian or Indian drivers, stop speeding and pay attention that speed limit is to be respected – else we will take a picture of you and make you pay amount equivalent to your monthly savings” – and there is a camera which hides just a bit ahead (I wonder whether that works though…).

There is a square (which is actually a round) and the tramstop is just in between the circle – what a nightmare for those running for the tram and for those drivers not used to stopping in the middle of a roundabout and especially for those like me who get into a Schumacher mode when they come into the roundabouts – we are forced to put sudden brakes as the  trams pull out – trams have priority in Brussels over other traffic and pedestrians.  Taken during a snow fall with the wiper trying hard to remove the snow, I try to drive, wait for the wiper to be out of the way to take a picture and watch out for the traffic in the circle all the same time – my fellow women drivers will be proud of me.

Another tram stop – this time a normal one – one of the beauties – but even here people still run for the tram – snowing or raining or sunny…

Hubby and I went out on Valentine’s day. He suddenly, after 10 Valentine’s days after marriage gets it into his head that he wants to do something alone with me. Not used to it, I had invited friends home for tea which he made me cancel and I growled about for 3 days after cancelling. When he suggested a movie – I said “Up in the air” – let us see whether anyone else wants to join – he growled at me… Having misread the time as 16:45 instead of 16:35 for the showtime, we found ourselves with 2 hours to kill before the next show and we landed in this place. We had gone there in autumn and lake was surrounded by trees covered with different coloured leaves (not taken on BB).

This time lake was frozen white and instead of colour we just had pristine white.

Finally… again when driving a dog walking and a cat sitting caught my eye…

Right or wrong…

I am disappointed. Today we had the first dance practice for the bollywood dance to be staged at a club in Brussels.

Now it is not fun anymore as it was last year when we were all amateurs learning dance together and putting up a show. All dancers (none from last year were there) wanted things to be at a professional level. They considered moving one of the dancers out of the group – she was most enthusiastic last time though she was not a great dancer (she was not present today). So now this friend of mine, who I called so she can dance since she wanted to dance, will do the choreography after she made statements like “Well.. if it is me doing the choreography, it is not going to be just walking around – I am going to make you work hard” and “I have made beginners who were at -50 level come up to +5 level”.

Maybe the baby has grown and flown the coup – I am still not ready to fly with it. In any case, I wanted to have fun and that is not the objective of this group – they want to do a professional show. So I have to let go. I cannot be  part of it unless the previous group, whoever wants to dance, is a part of it… and besides, I am not a professional choreographer in any case. For me deciding on the steps of the dance is a group and participative effort. Besides, I am not a directive person. I am a more involving person – we made the steps by consensus last year. Maybe what the group needs is a directive person.

We did a good job last year. If they feel the same group cannot do a good job (even if one person is not involved, then I cannot be a part). I am very sad about it – but it is time to move on. Goodbye to the next thing that was keeping me tied to Brussels.

Day 82.