Unemployed – Chronicles no. 1

What is wrong with surveys on human behaviour and leadership surveys?

Here I am sitting and doing a 360 degrees feedback for my ex-colleague and for my ex-boss. Suddenly I realized – I need to disassociate my own behaviour when I rate their behaviour. The yardstick that I give to all the leadership behaviour were based on my strengths and my weaknesses – lower scores on my strengths and higher scores on my weakness. When answering survey, does one leave space for improvement or does give an absolute score? – Ideas to be explored.

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Chronicles is a series of how I am coping with the first break from career I am having.

Last few months have seen me moving out of a company I love, a place I love, leave behind dear friends – some who I know will keep in touch… some who I know will phase out their interactions with me – it is natural.  I moved from such a place back to a well known place. Initial few days I did not feel the difference.  The apartment was a known one, the people were known people, I felt I was just there on a holiday. We then moved to a new place. Suddenly everything was different. My furniture from Brussels was there and so was the furniture from the other apartment in Germany. A new blended life was beginning to take shape and boy! don’t we both have expectations for this shape we want our life to take?

- sleep early – but I want to sleep late – but I need to be up early and I still need my 8 hours sleep – ok… but I do not need that much sleep so you go ahead…

- clothes here? no… there… no here… no there….

- this cupboard should be used for this … no! How can you think that? It is perfect for this…

- what about a diagonal shaped bookshelf? – “What do you think? we are going to have neck yoga daily is it?”…

- cooking, cleaning this apartment, that apartment all day – No WAY! You better come and do this and that…

Between finding 10 pairs of scissors, 5 nail cutters, 6 sets of cutleries, it also meant connecting back to people I knew just slightly. Everyone accepted I was back without a job – “you are going to have a baby now I assume – it is not always good to just think of your career” – how many men get to hear this – I wondered. One friend has promised to come with me to the fertility clinic – “I am not scared of laproscopy” – she said when I said I was scared of surgeries. “So I will sit with you – don’t worry”. So all, if I report a baby news later in the year – it will be due to no effort of mine. All forces here seem to be combining to make me have a baby. On the other hand if I do not report a baby news – it will be all my effort .

They started inviting me to their home – when I started lunch invitations the third time they got upset – “Don’t say you do not have time – what do you do all day!” – they asked. My explanations of having to start to find a new job got me strange looks and “Don’t make excuses – you need to take a break” – I do?

well… ok… I could not use the same reason (uh… excuse) as yesterday “I am on fast – so I cannot have lunch”…  the truth was not accepted – I feel fat and too full so I wanted to skip lunch today…

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